While on a play date yesterday, my three year old daughter, Ryan, asked me for some apple juice. “One sec, I’m making it,” I called from the kitchen. My friend looked at me oddly and asked how one “makes” apple juice, as I was filling half the cup with water. Yes, it’s true, I still dilute my daughter’s drinks, and I dread the day she gets a taste of the real thing.
She will stop in her tracks while listening to angels sing “Hallelujah.” Then she will have an epiphany and say, “Mother, I feel somehow different, it is as if my taste buds have awoken from a deep slumber and shall never sleep again!” Then her wheels start to turn, and she will realize it was I who prohibited this feeling for so long. It was I who robbed her of such deserving joy. She will then say “Seriously, what the fuck?” Yes, we allow her to say fuck, but not to drink straight juice.
Before we know it, she’ll be hanging out in cider bars drinking straight from the tap, and we’ll have to have an intervention by Halloween. She’ll then take up with a big rig driver who works for Motts and we won’t see her again until he gets tired of her drinking problem. He’ll then drop her at our doorstep, juiced-up and maybe even on the sauce (the applesauce.)
So do me a favor, if you see my daughter at a party or school function, and you are tempted to give her just a taste of that sweet nectar, take a step back and contemplate how you will be ruining our lives, and give it to your own kid.
If she only knew!
My son has never had juice. Granted, he’s only 15 months old, but it’s milk and water around these parts. Why? Because I can still remember my brother as a toddler chanting: juice. juice. Juice. JUICE. JUICEJUICEJUICE!!!! I’m putting off those days for a long as I can fool him.
I was wondering when she would start drinking the juice straight. This was hysterical. I can picture her begging for that taste of sweet nectar. She start going to AJA meetings, apple juice anonymous.
so funny. I dilute my kids’ vodka so I totally get it.
Jen,
Really, diluting the Juice! Give the kid a break she’s jonesin’ for it…I can hear her screaming now..(oh, she always does that you say)
my daughter is almost three and YES I still dilute her juice! Weird how I played your exact scenario in my own mind when thinking about this the other day. No, I’m kidding. I’m not as funny or imaginative as you!
keep the blogs coming, I kinda feel like a stalker but I check your site often for new entries!
Great writing-
Somehow seems very familiar… bring Ryan over to my house so we can introduce her to a world of culinary treats.
Loved it!
Cristie
the real issue here- you allow your 3 year old to say fuck?
If Sarah Palin finds out your blog will be burned.
me, I like it- that word is going to come in handy many times over a lifetime- good that she is comfortable with it at an early age.
I have to say my daughter doesn’t actually know the F word. However, I’ve gotten such a positive response from friends and readers to the idea that she does, that I might just teach it to her.
Have you never heard of 50 % less sugar & calories apple juice?? Motts is wise to the parenting trick and has their very own version. Its a win- win situation. You know longer have to take the time to “make ” it, and Motts can sell watered down juice for a higher price. Works for me!
Saw the article in Think Weston – Congrats!
About that playdate next week…forget it!
Just found this one…don’t know how I missed it!
Way too funny. “Wonder if she dilutes it like me?” went through my mind as soon as I saw the “making it” sentence. Lo and behold – yes!
But how do you do it? How do you keep those tastebuds from screaming – even on the half-ass…er…half-apple juice? Mine scream for it even watered down.
Anyone have that AJA number handy?