Comments on: Innocent Or Not, I’m Guilty

By: smilinggreenmom

smilinggreenmom — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 19:24:44 +0000

Wow…I really thought something was wrong with me because I always have this guilt! Everyone in our family has a comment or two about this with me at least a few times a month. They see it…they know that I am not taking time for myself…and that our kids sometimes act like I am here only for them and them alone. It is so hard to let-go. Our youngest has dealt with severe food allergies and Eczema since he was a baby…and I think out of fear and worry- I have a difficult time with being extra over-cautious. He has really gotten a lot better now that he is on Vidazorb probiotics, but I still have to worry about certain food posing life-threatening reactions. Of course- I am very confident in my own ability to handle our kiddos and the special needs of our son, and think that makes it even harder to leave them in someone else’s care. Thanks for sharing Jenny-it has made me feel better!

By: Jamie

Jamie — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 22:27:02 +0000

I totally understand how you feel…even when I get my “breaks” and the kids are with my husband, I ALWAYS feel guilty and call home. But guess what? He NEVER calls and checks in with me when I have the kids! Enjoy your time with your Mom…if Mark were a woman, he would!

By: Insanitykim

Insanitykim — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 16:48:16 +0000

I have not had internet for two days. Imagine what kind of mom that has made me.

I am home with my kids 24/7, so I spend a LOT of time figuring out how to get time away so I don’t ruin my children for life. The bathroom has proven to be a place of solace…

By: admin

admin — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 23:15:44 +0000

I loved the responses to this one! You guys rock. Wilern, I will read your Daddy blog however, my dad is the commenter who said he once took his two daughters to the mall and lost one, “oh Well.”

Thanks ed for rubbing it in!

My pros, the biz mom and Phaendra writer of My Mommy’s on a Business trip reaffirmed that it’s one of those weird instinctual things that we have to train ourselves to let go of.

Tfk said it great, it’s not guilt it’s caring. But, I agree with Karen I had less trouble leaving my son with a nanny, so I could work than with my husband, so I could play.

We definitely need to revisit this one. Send it to your friends, and see what they think.

By: Phaedra Cucina

Phaedra Cucina — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 21:28:27 +0000

Mommy guilt – one of my favorite topics! It’s so unnecessary, yet such a force in most of our lives. I’m in the “eat the egg” camp, though it is a bit extreme. I prefer the idea that when parents (mom or dad) feel renewed after doing something that was personally important to them, they are actually better parents – despite the two or three hours/days away.

I speak with a lot of working mom’s about the guilt they feel over business trips because of my children’s book, My Mommy’s on a Business Trip (www.mommytrip.com) What I stress repeatedly is that instead of being in the hotel room worrying about what’s going on at home or feeling bad about it, use the time to call a friend, watch a movie, read a book, give yourself a pedicure, or just REST. Let’s also not forget the time they get to spend with alone Dad (or whoever is the caretaker) is special and rare.

By: Karen

Karen — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 13:01:59 +0000

This is so true! And the worst thing is I feel more guilty when I leave the boys with my husband, than I do when I leave them with a babysitter! Why is that? Now, that’s not to say I don’t do it, who wouldn’t need a break from 8yo twin boys? But still, the guilt is there!

By: karen baitch rosenberg

karen baitch rosenberg — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 23:47:13 +0000

This one hit home, Jenny. Thanks for letting us know that we’re not alone in feeling this way.I have that guilty feeling most times when I want to go out to “do” something (funny, don’t have it when I stay home and “do” nothing!) ~ Bari’s advice is poignant, and I’ll try to keep it in mind. Our kids WILL turn out okay, you know? My god – we did ~

By: tkf

tkf — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 16:44:02 +0000

Don’t confuse “guilt” with caring about your kids or missing them. Of course, you miss them when you’re not with them. Of course, you worry about their well being. That’s not guilt – that’s parenting.

If you’re the primary caregiver, your kids and your husband learn so much about themselves and each other when they’re together without you. You shouldn’t feel guilty about giving them this opportunity to grow.

My husband was the primary care-giver for my son until he was in first grade. We also had babysitters/day care at several points so my husband could manage his freelance career. I never felt guilty about working and leaving my son with my husband or worried that he wouldn’t be cared for. My son is 18 and he has an amazing relationship with his Dad (and with me). He’s a responsible, kind adult now. I’m so proud of him!

By: lily

lily — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 15:16:44 +0000

Wow, the reply thread was almost as interesting as the article. All I can say is thanks. I am so struggling with that too. It is nice to read that I am not alone.

By: The Business Coach for Moms

The Business Coach for Moms — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 17:53:40 +0000

I just put out a blog post asking my readers am I selfish for wanting Saturdays all to myself. Many answered via Facebook so you can’t read their comments on the blog itself, but they all responded w/a “take care of yourself, use your oxygen mask, eat that egg!” shout. But every last one of them has the same question when it comes to their children & household. And the older women, even here, say they STILL have guilt! OMG! Women are such naturally sacrificial creatures that anything other then that produces guilt.

By: Ed

Ed — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 13:36:00 +0000

Yeah, that always bugged me on airplanes when they tell you that in the event of an emergency, parents should make sure that they use the oxygen for themselves so that they can better care for their kids. It seems selfish, which totally runs against the grain of parenthood. I mean, the first years of parenthood are essentially like boot camp where any sense of self is beaten out of you and replaced with sense of dutiful caregiver. That’s one of the toughest lessons in the world to learn, and then one day it’s just OK to forget it? I was just getting my mind around the fact that I don’t exist as an individual anymore.
Oh, and “Up!” in 3D was friggin’ awesome!

By: rachy

rachy — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 04:16:40 +0000

jenny, here’s what you need. make up some “mommy time off cards” (like the ‘get out of jail free’ card in monopoly). now, count your blessings that you have qualified child care with a hubby and a mom (and maybe others).

so, every week or so, they should let you play our “mommy time off card” and see what it says: “afternoon shopping” “manicure” or “movie date with hubby” and just do it!